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5-Minute Certified Psycho News Update for Weekend, July 4th – 5th

Jul 3rd, 2009

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COMING MONDAY, JULY 6th, THE FULL 30 MINUTE DAILY PSYCHO NEWS IN ADDITION TO THE CURRENT 5 MINUTE UPDATE ! - Longer news stories that have absolutely no relivance to what you need to know.



Palin Bailin’, GOP Railin’

In late breaking news on “Take Out The Trash Friday”, just before the Independence Day holiday weekend, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin announced …

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NO-ONE TO PHONE A RADIO SHOW EVER AGAIN

PEOPLE across Britain last night agreed never to phone a radio show ever again in case Gordon Brown decides to visit them …

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Webster to Redefine “Unemployed”, “Lazy” to Remain Unchanged

Hull and neighbouring grotty Grimsby currently top the index of British cities with the highest rate of youth unemployment …

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Friday, July 3rd

Jul 2nd, 2009

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Puerto Rico Children’s Museum No Place for Kids

San Juan, Puerto Rico last week and we saw a bunch of newsworthy things that really rocked the boat of our ability to take the cake …

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Thursday, July 2nd

Jul 1st, 2009

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Welcome To The Ranks Of The Unemployed, Part II

Have you recently parted ways with the oppressive establishment in order to lead a more fulfilling life? If you answered no, than you’re just out of work …

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Who Says the New Haven Firefighters’ Test Wasn’t Culturally Biased?

While the Supreme Court made new law in ruling for the white firefighters in New Haven, the mainstream media neglected to report …

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Wednesday, July 1st

Jun 30th, 2009

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One Out Of Five People This Morning Masturbated In The Shower

A poll taken of the attendees at this morning’s staff meeting indicates that at least one out of the five people sitting around had masturbated in the shower …

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Tuesday, June 30th

Jun 29th, 2009

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Jailed Producer Phil Spector Forms Prison Singing Sensation, The Con-ettes

MUSIC PRODUCER and convicted felon Phil Spector, not one to sit on his hands in stir, has wasted no time in forming a singing trio at the California State Prison facility …

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Billy Mays’ Death: Genuine, Or Elaborate Pitch For New ‘OxyCoffin’ Product?

After years of yelling at audiences while sporting a beard so perfect it seemed impossible, pitchman Billy Mays was overcome by death on Sunday…

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Monday, June 29th

Jun 28th, 2009

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TV pitchman Billy Mays dead at 50

Billy Mays, the burly, bearded television pitchman whose boisterous hawking of products such as Orange Glo and OxiClean …

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Posted in Obituaries • 1 Comment »



5-Minute Certified Psycho News Update for Weekend, June 27th – 28th

Jun 26th, 2009

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Census Bureau to Count Illegals by Raiding ER’s

Census Bureau Director-nominee Robert Groves says the Bureau’s biggest challenge will be to tally the number of illegals living within our borders …

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King Of Pop Dead At 12

Michael Jackson, a talented child performer known for his love of amusement park rides and his hobby of collecting exotic animals for his Neverland Ranch …

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Farrah Fawcett Disappointed at Heavenly Reception; Jacko Distracts Angels

70s icon and recently-deceased actress Farrah Fawcett expressed disappointment over the reception granted to her by the host of angels …

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Friday, June 26th

Jun 25th, 2009

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Michael Jackson, Dead at 50: Child star, thriller, sad sideshow

In the end, there would be no third act for Michael Jackson …

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Posted in Obituaries • 1 Comment »



Farrah Fawcett, Dead at 62: Actress, poster girl

Iconic poster girl and former Charlie’s Angels star Farrah Fawcett remained tabloid fodder right to the end when illness prevented her plans to marry partner Ryan O’Neal on her deathbed …

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Posted in Obituaries • 1 Comment »



PSA – Morsels

PSA for bad eatting habits

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Obnoxious Four-Year-Old Overpopulation Solution

Researchers announced a discovery that may be the answer to the looming problem of world overpopulation …

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Republican Governor Having Affairs With Other Republicans

South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford, recently believed to have gone missing on a long, solitary hiking trip …

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5-minute Certified Psycho News Update for Thursday, June 25th

Jun 24th, 2009

Any broadcaster using this or any of the print articles on our website may do so freely, we simply ask that you mention our site on air when you do so.

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Ed McMahon, Dead at 86: ‘One of the greats of show business’

Ed McMahon, the loyal Tonight show sidekick who bolstered boss Johnny Carson with guffaws and a resounding “Heeeeere’s Johnny!” for 30 years …

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No Sparklers for Iran Diplomats on 4th of July

President Obama’s invitation to Iranian diplomats to attend July 4th celebrations at U.S. embassies around the world still stands …

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